Too Deep
by BrightLightsBigDreams
Summary: Emily and JJ are struggling to hide the fact that they're in a relationship from everyone that they know, but when Emily finds herself in serious danger it's only going to get harder.
1. Chapter 1

**Hi! This is my first multi-chapter criminal minds fic so I hope you like it. This is just a prologue, so the actual chapters are going to be longer with a lot more stuff happening. This fic is definitely Jemily, but it's full of angst and stress as well because that's the only thing I'm any good at writing.**

 **Of course constructive criticism is welcomed, and I would love to hear any feedback you have as it honestly motivates me so much. Thank you. Now I'm going to shut up and let you read.**

* * *

The sound of someone rolling over next to her pulled Emily from her sleep, the brunette wincing a little as she opened her eyes and her vision was invaded with beams of sunlight. She let out a small groan, which quickly turned into a smile as her gaze landed on the pile of blonde hair that belonged to the person lying next to her. This is definitely her favourite part about them, about what they _do_ , what they _are._ She doesn't think anything will ever be able to compare with the feeling of waking up with the woman that she loves lying next to her. Even though she's facing away from her Emily knows that she looks as beautiful as she always does and she has that cute little frown on her face that she always has when she sleeps.

It's times like this that Emily can almost pretend that JJ is _hers,_ just hers. The mornings after they've spent the night together, when they've fallen asleep wrapped up in each other's arms and wake up next to each other everything just feels _right_ and it's all that Emily wants but she knows it won't last, it never does. It _can't_ because JJ has another life. She has a husband and two sons and as much as Emily dreams about JJ being fully hers one day she knows that it might not ever happen.

JJ rolling over again distracts Emily from her thoughts, she can see the blonde's face now and she can't stop her smile from growing. Just being _around_ JJ gives Emily this _warm_ feeling and she knows that it's a vomit inducing cliche but JJ really does give her butterflies. She's loved people before, but no one has ever made her feel quite like this and she doesn't think that anyone else ever will. This feels _real,_ and she knows that sounds stupid because they can't even do anything vaguely romantic in public but Emily actually thinks JJ is the one, _her_ one, whatever that means.

Emily had loved JJ for years, and she had spent most of that time accepting that nothing would ever happen until one night about 5 months ago had changed everything. JJ had been fighting with Will and she and Emily had shared a few too many glasses of wine and Emily struggled to remember exactly how it had happened but they had ended up in bed together. The next morning they had talked, and told each other _everything._ It had been hard for Emily to be honest, she had always found it difficult to tell people about her feelings and admitting the ones she had kept buried for years almost had been almost impossible but she had managed it and she remembered the sinking feeling in her stomach as she realised she had probably fucked everything up. She hadn't though, and when JJ had admitted that she had feelings for Emily too the brunette had felt like she was flying.

That was when they had started _this._ Emily was never sure how to describe it in her head because it was _more_ than an affair. They were _more_ than a dark secret that no-one could ever know about.

Emily is still looking at JJ when the blonde's eyes flutter open. Emily's dark brown eyes meet JJ's blue ones; sleep hazed but still sparkling.

JJ smiles at the brunette, the sight of her soft pink lips stretching making Emily think about how much she loves kissing them. "Were you watching me sleep again?" JJ says with a giggle, reaching out her hand and grabbing Emily's, interlocking their fingers.

"Not watching," Emily counters, "just observing." She shuffles closer towards JJ, so that their foreheads are almost touching and Emily knows that she could lie here forever and never feel the need to move, this was just her and JJ in their own private world and Emily would never be able to get enough of it. However, she knows that they can't lie there forever, in fact she knows exactly how the rest of the morning is going to go. They will lie together for a while, making small talk and kissing and just being comfortable but at some point one of them is going to notice the time and JJ is going to force herself out of the bed and is going to get dressed. Then they're going to head downstairs and kiss a bit more before JJ says that she really has to leave and then they'll kiss once more and JJ will give her a soft, wistful look as she tells Emily that she loves her before she leaves the house to return to her husband and children. It's how these mornings _always_ go.

Emily won't pretend that she's not jealous, that her hurt doesn't hurt whenever JJ has to leave but she also won't make a big deal out of it because if she does then she risks losing JJ completely and she knows that she wouldn't be able to deal with that. Emily wishes more than anything that JJ and her can be together properly, but until that happens Emily is content with rare nights and stolen kisses because just a little bit of JJ is better than no JJ at all, and she's in so deep that she will take whatever she can get.


	2. Chapter 2

**Thanks for all the reviews/faves/follows, it means a lot. When I started writing this I didn't really think about what season it was set in and I've realised that there are a few continuity errors but if you could just ignore them that would be great. The main one is the fact that the team is the season 3-7 one, but JJ has Henry _and_ Michael (so oops). Anyway, I hope you like this chapter and feedback is always great. Enjoy!**

* * *

JJ watched the door of her hotel room slam, anger bubbling through her veins and the tension in her body keeping her rooted to the spot. She wasn't sure if she felt like yelling or crying or punching something or screaming but she needed to do something to stop herself exploding. After a few moments and some very deep breaths she resorted to collapsing on her bed and running her fingers through her hair as she tried to work out what the fuck had just happened.

They were on a case in Chicago and the unsub was targeting brunette females in their 30's to 40's. The team believed that the unsub was a white male, and probably in the same age range as his victims. He would take his victim and keep them tied up for about 5 days, depriving them of food, water and sunlight while he would cut intricate patterns into their skin. It was horrific to see and JJ could hardly begin to imagine how much pain they were in. If they didn't already bleed out the unsub would slit their necks when he was finished with them before dumping their bodies in quite busy areas, so people would be able to see his handiwork. There had been three victims so far, but while they had been in the city no one matching the unsub's victimology had been reported missing, meaning that their trail was going cold and everyone in the team was a bit more stressed than usual.

That's probably why things had gone as far as they did, they were both tired and they both overreacted but that didn't make JJ any less angry. Emily had been completely unreasonable! She had been the one to try and change things, not JJ. Emily had known from the start exactly what they were and what they were always going to be and she had still asked for more than JJ could give her.

* * *

 _"Do you ever think about what it would be like if we were...out? Like...a real couple?" Emily regretted the words as soon as they came out of her mouth. She had felt JJ tense up next to her and immediately knew she wasn't going to get the reaction she had hoped for, but it was too late now, she couldn't un-say it. She had gone to JJ's room when they got back to the hotel, like she usually did whenever they were on a case. They had just been laying next to each other, comfortable and happy and Emily had been stupid and let her mind wander, and then she'd been even more stupid and spoke._

 _"No," JJ's reply was short and snapped, "I don't. Everything is fine just how it is."_

 _Emily knew she should have just left it there, should have just shut up and try and forget she even mentioned it but she couldn't, "I know you're lying, I can tell," She insisted, "I know you J, I can hear it in your voice."_

 _JJ inhaled deeply, rolling over and standing up, glaring at Emily as the brunette mirrored her actions on the other side of the bed, "Don't try and profile me Em!" JJ responded, her voice low, quiet and full of anger._

 _"I wouldn't need to if you'd just be honest with me!" Emily fought to keep her voice quiet, knowing that members of her team were in the rooms either side of her and hotel walls weren't always that thick, "Why are you trying to pretend that you haven't even considered a future, **our** future!"_

 _"This **is** our future! You know that! In the beginning we decided that we were and will always be a secret. No one else would ever know! Not the team, not Will - no one!" JJ spat, feeling anger begin to take over the rational part of her brain as her voice began to rise._

 _Emily took a deep breath, trying and failing to get herself to calm down, "Everyone's going to know about us if you keep yelling about it! And **you** decided J, not me. There is nothing I have ever wanted more than to be with you properly, and after that first night I knew I wouldn't be able to bear not having you at all so I just went along with it. I would do **anything** for you to love me!" Emily had been trying to sound strong but she could hear the shaking in her voice, and she knew JJ could hear it too._

 _"I do love you Em, I just - I've got the boys and -"_

 _Emily interrupted JJ, her voice dangerously quiet, "You just don't love me **enough** , I'm not enough for you to give up the life you have. You're perfectly happy to keep up the pretence of your perfect life and perfect family and you don't care what it's doing to me. That's not love J, that's torture."_

 _"That's not fair!" The words had cut JJ deeper than she wanted Emily to know, "I have children to think about! What would this do to them?"_

 _Emily just took a deep breath, "Well maybe you should have thought about that before you started this." She turned away as her voice cracked, she knew she was about to cry and there was nothing that she hated more than crying in front of people. She wasn't about to let JJ see it, let JJ see her so weak and vulnerable, so she left. She got out of the room and back to her own as quickly as possible, managing to lock the door behind her before she finally let the first tear fall from her eye._

* * *

JJ didn't get much sleep that night. She didn't know what she was supposed to think. Had she and Emily just broken up? Had they even technically been together in the first place? She knew what Emily had said was true, but it didn't change the fact that she was the one trying to change everything. She was the one going against what they had agreed in the beginning. JJ just didn't know what to do anymore. She needed to stop thinking about it, needed to be able to focus on the case today. It was probably their last chance to find anything new unless the unsub decided to strike again.

She also didn't want the others to be able to pick up on the fact that something was wrong. She didn't want any awkward questions or uncomfortable moments, she just wanted the case to be over so she could try and work things out properly in her head but judging by the way things were going, that wasn't going to happen any time soon.

When JJ arrived at the police station Emily was already there, sitting at the table with a coffee cradled in her hands whilst she read over the case files. She didn't even look up as JJ walked in, just continued staring at the paper in front of her. After looking at the older woman for a moment JJ concluded that Emily also hadn't got much sleep the previous night. There were bags under her eyes, her skin seemed paler than usual and she just looked generally run down. JJ wanted to talk to her, say something that would make the aching feeling inside of her go away but she couldn't, not here at least, not in front of the others, they needed to be alone if they were going to have any chance of sorting this mess out.

The opportunity to be alone with Emily never came. The team spent hours in their room at the station, desperately looking for anything new they could pick up from the information they had been given but there was nothing. They had a basic profile, a geographical location and not much more. The more time that she spent sitting in the same room as her the more JJ felt like she _needed_ to talk to Emily, but the older woman wouldn't even look in her direction. Whilst JJ was trying (but failing) to act relatively normal Emily was obviously not okay. She was hardly speaking, only nodding or giving answers as short as she possibly could if there was a situation in which she had to speak and the others were definitely picking up on it. She could see the concerned glances getting sent Emily's way and could feel the ones she was getting whenever her back was turned. They definitely knew that something had gone on between the two female profilers, but thankfully they also knew better than to ask about it.

The room had fallen into an uncomfortable silence by the time the detective in charge of the case rushed in. The whole team knew that if they didn't find something soon they would have to call it a day, return home and concentrate their efforts on a different case, which meant leaving whoever this monster was free to do whatever he wanted. The idea made JJ sick but sometimes they just didn't have a choice. The next words the detective spoke, however, gave her a bit of hope.

"We possibly have a lead."

The heads of every member of the BAU team shot up at that point, waiting for the detective to explain in more detail.

"Possibly?" Hotch questioned, picking up on the worrying word.

"Yeah, possibly," the detective replied, "We've received a call from a man claiming that he saw Melissa James the day she went missing, and that he thinks he has some useful information."

Melissa James was the third victim, and had disappeared just over a week ago.

"Why did he take so long to come forward?" Spencer asked, voicing JJ's thoughts.

"He says that he was out of town and didn't even know she'd gone missing until he got home this morning. However, he did seem very convinced that it was her that he saw and he's saying he saw her in almost the exact area we think she disappeared from." The detective explained, looking at Hotch as he waited to see what the team leader would do with the information.

Hotch looked thoughtful for a moment before saying, "It could be nothing but we might as well look into it, anything new could help us. Morgan and Prentiss you go and talk to him, we'll stay here and see if we can find anything new."

JJ watched as Derek and Emily nodded, grabbing their things before heading out of the room, leaving the rest of the team to look over the files they had already read too many times.

Derek and Emily had been gone for almost 2 hours when Hotch's phone started ringing. JJ could tell from his facial expression that what he was hearing on the other end wasn't good. He looked...worried - scared almost. The call only lasted for about 30 seconds and Hotch's final words before he hung up were "Get to the hospital now and we'll meet you there."

"Was that Morgan and Prentiss?" Rossi asked, his dark eyes looking a mix of concerned and intrigued "What did they say? Are they hurt?"

Hotch took a deep breath before responding, "No. That was Morgan. It was a trap. The unsub has Emily."


	3. Chapter 3

**Thanks for the reviews and here's the next chapter. I'm aiming to update weekly but if that plan ends up failing then I'm sorry. I hope you enjoy!**

* * *

 _"The unsub has Emily."_

Those were the words that took the breath out of JJ's lungs and made her heart stop beating. This could not be happening. This had to be some kind of joke. Emily _couldn't_ have been taken by some sick freak. She'd been with Morgan for god's sake! No one got away from Morgan, especially with someone he loved.

"What?" Spencer spoke first, the obvious panic in his voice matching the concerned look in his eyes, "What happened?"

"From what I could gather from Morgan it sounds like they were ambushed somehow. Morgan was knocked out and when he came round Emily was gone." Hotch explained, his voice steady and face seemingly void of any emotion. If JJ didn't know him any better she would say it looked like he didn't care but she knew that this was just Hotch's way of coping. He was keeping himself calm so that he could do his job to the best of his ability.

The room was silent for a moment, everyone obviously doing their best to process what was happening. Rossi opened his mouth to say something but Hotch interrupted him before the words had a chance to leave his mouth. "We need to get to the hospital to see Morgan and find out exactly what happened. We'll talk more on the way. Come on, we don't have any time to waste."

JJ just nodded, her head spinning slightly as she stood up and grabbed her things off the table. She couldn't think straight, her mind already consumed with images of Emily tied up, some insane psycho looming over her with a knife ready to sadistically slice intricate patterns into her skin. **No**. JJ wasn't going to let that happen, she couldn't. She had to find Emily before anything bad happened to her, she couldn't let the brunette suffer any more than she already had. She wouldn't.

* * *

Emily groaned slightly as she opened her eyes, her head banging as unfamiliar surroundings flooded her vision. _Where the fuck was she?_ A sense of panic exploded inside of her brain as she managed to process the fact that her arms and legs were tied up so tightly she could hardly move them. From what she could work out, with a throbbing head and a very limited view of where she was, Emily was in some kind of stone room, probably a basement or an old abandoned building.

She could mostly remember what had happened, she thinks. Although certain parts of her memory were still foggy she was sure that they would come back to her in the next few hours. She remembers pulling up to the address they'd been told to go to, and knocking on the door with Morgan by her side. Then the door was opened and - no - did the door ever open? Emily thought harder, the pain in her head increasing as she tried to make sense of what had just happened. She knew that having everything clear in her mind would make it easier for her to create some kind of profile for whoever it was holding her - and increase her chances of getting out alive.

The door definitely wasn't opened, Emily remembered knocking but getting no answer. That was when Morgan had gone round the corner of the house to look for any signs of movement and when he had been gone for a few minutes Emily had got bored of waiting and had followed him to see what he was doing. She remembers going round the corner and seeing Morgan unconscious on the floor, but before she could do anything something hit her on the back of her head and now she had woken up here.

Was Morgan here too? Emily tried to adjust herself so she could see more of the room but she couldn't move far at all with the ropes constantly rubbing against her skin, peeling off layers of skin and making her wrists and ankles burn. She didn't really think anyone was in here with her anyway, she couldn't hear anyone else's breathing. She was completely alone.

How had this happened to her _again_? She had been tied up by some insane serial killer and all she could do was wait for something to happen, wait for someone to come and hurt her or kill her or do whatever the fuck they were going to do to her. God she hated this. She couldn't do _anything_ to to save herself. Right now she had no control over the situation and no way of stopping what was coming for her. At least her team would be looking for her. There was no one she trusted more to find her than them, no one else that she trusted her life with, not anymore. Did they even know what had happened yet? Had Morgan woken up, or been found? Was Morgan even alive? How long had she been out for? It could have been days for all she knew. How was JJ?

Oh God, _JJ._ Emily had hardly looked at the blonde after the fight, it hurt too much. Did she honestly not realise just how much she meant to Emily? She would do _anything_ for her but she'd gone and fucked everything up and the younger woman probably hated her now. Why did she let herself get so carried away? JJ was _right._ She had the boys and a husband and it was Emily who was the homewrecker in this situation. JJ's family hadn't done anything wrong and if the truth did come out out it was them who would get hurt the most, and that wasn't fair. Emily couldn't ask JJ to do that to them.

The sound of a door opening behind her interrupted Emily's thoughts. She felt her heart start to beat faster in her chest and she subconsciously tensed her muscles up at the heavy sound of footsteps walking towards her. She took a deep breath, attempting to hide any signs of fear. Whoever this person was, they were a complete sadist and if it was the last thing Emily was going to do she wasn't going to give them the satisfaction they wanted.

She tried to keep her breaths even, especially as she heard the footsteps stop behind her. She was being stared at. Although she couldn't see her captor she could almost feel their gaze burning into her back. She almost hadn't realised that her even breaths had stopped, and she was now just holding her breath, waiting for any kind of sign for what was coming next.

"Well, little miss FBI," Emily let out a shaky breath when she heard the voice, a man's voice, like they had profiled. She didn't recognise it but he sounded...creepy. There was a taunting tone in his voice as he jeered at her, "I think I'm going to have a lot of fun with you."

* * *

JJ sat at the table, her head hidden in her hands as she listened to her team throw around theories and ideas about how they could find Emily. Derek had been given the all clear at the hospital and they had immediately returned to the police station and put up another picture on the victim board, _Emily's_ picture. JJ couldn't look at it, not without getting overtaken by an intense feeling of guilt as her mind automatically returned to the last conversation they had shared, if she could even class it as a conversation.

JJ wanted to help find Emily, of course she did, but right now she just couldn't _deal_ with this. She loved Emily, more than she was supposed to but no-one knew and she wasn't sure how much longer she was going to be able to hide it. All she wanted to do was break down and cry and scream about how _unfair_ this was. Emily didn't deserve this. She'd been through so much already. She always joked that 'someone up there really didn't like her' and JJ had always laughed along with her but right now it wasn't funny and _God_ she would give anything to have Emily safe in her arms instead of- instead of wherever the fuck she was because JJ had no idea and for all she knew Emily was already _dead._

No. There was no way in hell JJ was going to let that thought be in her mind. Emily was alive and she was okay and they were going to find her soon and-

"...JJ? What do you think?" Hotch's voice caused JJ to snap her head up and see that she was being stared at by the rest of her team, all of them with varying looks of concern and worry on their face.

The blonde opened her mouth to try and say something but she couldn't make any words come out. She had no idea what they'd just said and she couldn't do _this._ She looked back at the table, avoiding her team's stares but she could still _feel_ them and she could alsp feel the prick of tears starting to form in the corner of her eyes.

"I-I, I'm sorry- I need- I can't-" JJ tried to get an explanation out but she kept choking on the words and she knew that she couldn't stay in that room any longer without bursting into tears so she did what her brain had been screaming at her to do for the last hour and she ran.

She ignored the shout of her name from Derek as she rushed through the station, trying not to look too out of place as she searched for somewhere _quiet._ Her eyes honed in on an empty room that looked like some kind of waiting area for families or friends and she headed towards it, praying that no-one would stop her and question what she was doing because she didn't have an answer right now. Thankfully no-one did and she quickly shut the door behind her, letting her back rest against the wooden structure as she took a deep breath in an attempt to calm herself.

That was when she burst into tears.

She was being fucking ridiculous. She wasn't the one who's life was in danger but she couldn't stop the salty droplets from spilling out of her eyes. Why was she being so useless? All she was doing right now was wasting time that she could be using to try and find Emily instead of crying over her but she just couldn't focus on anything except Emily's face and Emily's words and the fact that Emily needed to know just how much she meant to JJ right fucking now. The idea of the brunette thinking JJ didn't love her made the blonde's heart hurt even more than it already was. She _needed_ Emily to be okay, otherwise she had no idea what she was going to do, Emily was everything to her and the idea of her _not_ being in her life hurt way too much.

She was just starting to calm herself down when she heard a knock on the door followed by Derek's voice, sounding a lot less confident than usual, "JJ? Can I come in?"

JJ wiped the remaining tears from under her eyes quickly and attempted to even out her breathing before taking a step away from the door and opening it, looking everywhere except at Derek even though she knew he was staring straight at her.

"I think it's time for you to talk," Derek spoke, his voice sounding softer and more understanding than it normally did, "What's up?"

JJ looked at him then, her eyebrows raised and an incredulous look in her still watery eyes. "What's up? What do you thinks up?" She snapped, rolling her eyes and taking a step away from the dark haired man.

"No need to get sarky JJ, I'm only trying to help," Derek retorted, "And it's obviously something more than just Emily being taken, because this has happened before and you've never, _ever_ reacted like this."

JJ couldn't help but flinch at his words, he had put it so bluntly and she knew he was right but she just felt so _helpless_ and she couldn't do anything about it. She could feel tears beginning to well up in her eyes again and angrily tried to blink them away. She needed to sort herself out! Derek noticed her reaction and softened his demeanour, taking a step towards the blonde woman.

"I know something happened between you two, you've been avoiding each other all day, just tell me what happened, it'll probably make you feel better." Derek spoke, his voice soft again as he placed one of his hands on JJ's shoulder in a comforting gesture.

JJ looked at Derek for a moment, she knew she could trust him but she just wasn't sure whether she trusted herself not to say too much. She talked anyway. "Last night," she started, trying to find the words she wanted to say, " I don't even know what happened but we ended up arguing and it was really bad. I said things I shouldn't have said and then she left and she probably thinks I hate her and what if I don't get a chance to make it up to her? What if that was the last time I ever talk toher and-" JJ was struggling to get the words out of her mouth. They kept getting caught in her throat and her breaths were short and panicked. She was crying again. Salty tears spilling relentlessly out of her eyes and dripping down her face.

"Woah, JJ, slow down, breathe," Derek interrupted, lifting his other arm up to JJ's other shoulder so that he could pull his friend into his chest, letting her sob into his shirt as he rubbed comforting circles into her back. "Emily knows that you love her. Everyone gets angry and says things they regret. It's what makes us human. Anyway, you are definitely seeing her again. We're going to find her and she'll be just fine. You _know_ we will"

JJ didn't know that though, none of them knew that. What she did know was that Derek's words were _empty_. They had no leads and no way of knowing if Emily was even still alive, let alone being able to find her. JJ stayed with her head in Derek's chest and his arms wrapped around her until she was finished crying, at which point she pulled herself away, wiping her eyes and straightening out her clothes before shooting an apologetic look at the tall man.

"Sorry about that," She spoke, her voice hardly louder than a whisper, "I just let everything get to me."

"It's okay JJ," Derek responded quickly, still not convinced he was being told everything but knowing that he wasn't going to get anything else out of her right now, "You can tell me anything and cry on me as much as you want if it's going to make you feel better."

JJ let out a watery giggle, "Good to know. We should probably get back to the others."

Derek nodded in agreement taking a step towards the door before stopping and turning back to JJ, "We are going to find her. You know we will. Nothing is going to stop us."

JJ just nodded and smiled in response, wishing she could be as confident as Derek sounded.


	4. Chapter 4

**Here's the next chapter, I hope you enjoy.**

* * *

Emily stayed as still as she could as she listened to the receding footsteps of her captor, as if stillness would somehow stop him coming back. Her breaths were short and shallow as she laid on her front, the side of her tear-stained face uncomfortably pushed against the cold stone floor. She flinched as the sound of the door slamming shut echoed through the empty space, but she still didn't miss the small click of the door being locked. Even if she did somehow manage to escape her restraints she was still going to be trapped.

Her wrists were tied behind her back and her ankles bound together. She attempted to move, to try and get her face off of the floor but she hissed in pain as the only thing she succeeded in doing was to cause the dull, burning pain in between her shoulder blades to flare up again. Oh God. Emily didn't even want to think about what her back looked like. She already had enough scars before this happened.

She had known what was coming as soon as he walked into the room, the unmistakable sound of two pieces of sharp metal being pushed against each other telling her everything she needed to know about what the unsub was holding in his hands. She had tried to fight him as he climbed on top of her back, tried to find some way to wriggle away from him as he kept her pinned down underneath him but there was nothing she could do, not that it stopped her trying. She had swore and spat and told him that her team was going to find him and fucking _kill_ him whilst he cut the back of her shirt open and pulled it away from the top half of her back, but she froze at the feeling of a cold blade pressed against the back of her shoulder blade.

 _"Not so brave now, are you agent?"_ He had sneered, and then he had made the first cut.

Emily had tried to keep quiet, tried not to show any fear or discomfort but the pain of someone repeatedly slicing her skin open was too _much_. She had cried and whimpered and _God_ she felt so _weak_ but there was nothing else she could _do_.

She wasn't sure how long he took. It could have been ten minutes, it could have been ten hours but all Emily knew was that her back was being covered in intricate cuts just like all the pictures she'd seen of the other victims and it hurt so much and _why_ was this happening to _her?_ When he was finished he just stood up and stared for a while before leaving her lying on the floor, promising that he'd be back tomorrow to 'make some more art'.

Emily had always had a bad habit of being poetic in unsuitable situations and the fucked up metaphor that had appeared in her head made her stomach turn but it wouldn't leave her alone. He was the artist, his knives were the brushes and she was the canvas, and there was nothing she could do to get herself out of this. She was just going to have to rely on the fact that her team would stop at nothing to find her, and hopefully they wouldn't be too late.

* * *

JJ was tired. The whole team was. It was approaching 24 hours since Emily had been missing and none of them had gone back to the hotel. They had napped for a few hours in the station but they really couldn't afford to waste any more time. They needed to find Emily, _quickly._ JJ glanced at her phone as it vibrated. It was Will, _again._ She felt awful for not talking to him. He'd attempted to call her last night and she had picked up, told him that Emily had been taken and that she didn't have time to talk then hung up. He had been texting and calling ever since, but she just couldn't _deal_ with talking to him right now.

It wasn't like her relationship with Will was _bad,_ it just wasn't the same as it used to be, the spark hadn't been there for a long time, since way before she and Emily were even a thing. She still hated that she was doing this to him, he was a good guy that trusted her and she was just taking advantage of that. He was at home with their _sons_ worrying about her but all she could think about was Emily. She glanced back up to see Rossi staring at her. "Talk to him JJ, five minutes isn't going to change anything, your boys will make you feel better."

JJ sighed and nodded, knowing the older man was right. Even if she felt guilty talking to Will, Henry and Michael would definitely make her feel a bit better, even if the youngest couldn't talk properly yet his adorable noises and random outbursts of giggles never failed to make her smile.

She dialled Will's number and the phone hardly had to ring more for more than two seconds before he picked up. "Hi." JJ spoke, her voice quiet and unsure and full of guilt.

"Hi cher." Will responded. JJ could her the concern in his voice and it did nothing but intensify the sick feeling in the pit of her stomach.

"I'm sorry I wasn't replying earlier, everything here has just been so hectic-"

"It's fine Jen, I understand. I take it Emily's still..." Will interrupted before tailing off towards the end of the sentence, not needing to finish it for JJ to understand what he meant.

"Yeah, she's still missing." JJ sighed, knowing she was going to have to explain exactly what had happened, "There was a trap and now the unsub has Emily. We're all doing our best to find her but we just don't have much. I'm scared we're not going to find her in time Will."

JJ heard Will go silent, taking in what she had just admitted. None of the team were saying it but it was what they were all thinking. They were running out of options and if they hadn't found any leads soon they were going to have absolutely nothing to go on.

"I don't believe that, at all," Will finally responded, sounding a lot more confident than JJ felt, "I know all of you and I know that nothing is going to stop you finding Emily. I've seen you and your team do what seemed impossible so many times that I've lost count, and I have no doubt that you're going to do it again."

Will did have a point. How many times had they solved cases and found the answers however improbable it seemed? Will always knew exactly what to say to calm her down and make her feel better. It just showed how good of a husband he was and reminded her how bad she was at being his wife. Will hadn't even done anything _wrong,_ but she was still sleeping with someone else; not just sleeping with, in love with.

JJ ignored the stabs of guilt in her stomach and spoke again, "I guess you're right. I'm really sorry but I don't have much time at the moment. Are the boys around?"

"Yeah, of course," Will responded instantly, "They're watching TV I'll just go and get them."

JJ pushed away her feelings as she spoke to Henry, letting herself smile at the sound of his voice and laugh at his tale about Michael attempting to eat daddy's phone. All too soon though she had to say goodbye, telling Henry and Michael how much she loved them and that she hoped she'd be back in a few days before the phone was passed back to Will.

"Stay safe," He said, like he always did at the end of every phone call they had while she was away at work, "I love you cher."

"I will," JJ replied, "I love you too." Then she hung up, trying to ignore how much she'd struggled to get the words out of her mouth. Every time she said those words to Will nowadays she was getting less and less sure that she meant them.

* * *

"Okay," Reid spoke after he'd looked through their timeline for the umpteenth time, "The unsub called the police station at 12:02 PM, probably from a disposable cell seeing as the number isn't registered to anyone. Prentiss and Morgan arrived at the address some time around 12:45 PM, and Morgan called Hotch at 1:37 PM. Judging by the geographical profile and the fact there wasn't much traffic the unsub was probably already where he wanted to be by the time the phone call was made. None of the neighbours saw anything, but we do know the man who lives in the house has been out of town for a few weeks and won't be back for at least another two, meaning the unsub knew him or at least his plans somehow. What I still don't understand is why the unsub called in the first place. It completely goes against everything in the profile! Unless..."

JJ's head shot up as Reid stopped talking and grabbed one of the files off the table, his eyes quickly scanning the pages as he obviously searched for something.

"Unless what?" Morgan asked, his focus entirely on Spencer's actions.

Spencer's eyes slowed down as he reached the part of the file he needed to look over, "The unsub literally changed everything. He changed the amount of time he left between abductions, the abduction place, even _how_ he abducted her doesn't seem to match the other victims. I'd almost say it seemed like a different person if he hadn't made the phone call. Something about Emily made him willing to change his entire MO to get her."

"So you're saying that Emily is very important to him for some reason?" Rossi clarified, a hint of confusion on his face as he tried to place the pieces together like Reid had seemed to.

"Yes," Reid confirmed, "And considering the fact she has never lived or spent a large amount of time in Chicago and we profiled that the unsub is from this area I assume that she somehow represents the unsub's stressor."

The room was silent for a few moments as the team processed the information they had just been given.

"That does make sense," Hotch finally spoke, "But it still doesn't explain how the unsub even knew about Emily in the first place. Unless he was somehow watching us when we examined the crime scenes but the areas were cordoned off to civilians and I certainly didn't see any hanging about."

"What if the unsub isn't a civilian?" The words were quiet as they came out of JJ's mouth, she had hardly made sense of them herself before she spoke, "What if the profile is wrong?"

Everyone's attention was on her now, her fellow profilers looking at her as if to say 'keep going'.

"We assumed that the unsub _worked_ as some kind of artist or architect or designer or whatever, but what if he doesn't? Perhaps he _wanted_ to be an artist but ended up in a different line of work. Say, a policeman?" JJ glanced at her team, trying to work out what they thought of her theory. She wasn't even sure what she thought of it herself, but it was all she could think of and anything was better than nothing right now.

"It would certainly explain how Emily came under his radar." Rossi stated with a slight nod.

"Yeah!" Reid added quickly, "And we profiled that he would attempt to insert himself into the investigation somehow, and being a policeman makes that very easy."

"Okay, so say that the unsub is a policeman but he didn't want to be an officer. His real dream was to be some kind of artist and he blames someone, a brunette, for that dream not happening. Something happens to this brunette, she leaves or dies and the unsub suffers a break which leads him to start living his dream as an artist through murder." Morgan summarised, excitement starting to show in his voice as he realised they could be on to something that would help them find Emily.

"Yes, and when we arrived he saw Emily and something about her reminded him of that original brunette and he knew he needed to have her," Hotch continued, "He spent a few days assessing his options and trying to work things out, but knowing he was running out of time before we went home he took a chance and set a trap, and I sent Prentiss straight into it."

"It's not your fault Aaron," Rossi told the unit chief, "We had no way of knowing what would happen."

"If we're right and the unsub is a part of the police then it also explains why we couldn't get any leads. Evidence could easily have been hidden or tampered with." JJ thought aloud, feeling a slight bit of hope rise up in her as she realised they could actually be closer to finding Emily.

"We can't mention this to anyone else yet," Hotch ordered his team, "If the unsub somehow finds out that we might be on to him we could be putting Emily's life in even more danger. We need to get Garcia to look and see if anyone matching that timeline and profile works here."

JJ let her gaze travel out of the window that separated them from the offices filled with policemen as she listened to Hotch call Garcia and explain to her what to search for. There were so many officers in her line of sight right now and the idea that one of them had Emily tied up somewhere made her skin crawl. Whatever happened over the next few days, no matter what they found, whoever the fuck it was that had Emily was going to wish that he was dead by the time she got her hands on him.


	5. Chapter 5

**Next chapter! Thanks for all the reviews and I hope you enjoy this chapter.**

* * *

Emily was tired. Her eyes were heavy and her limbs aching with a mixture of cold and exhaustion but she couldn't sleep. Her mind wouldn't shut down enough to let her succumb to the comforting feeling of rest however hard she tried. She hadn't been given any food or water since she had been taken and the dryness of her mouth and the cramps in her stomach were constantly reminding her of the fact.

She had no idea what time it was. There was no natural light in - wherever she was - so she had no way of telling whether it was even day or night, let alone trying to guess how much time had passed since she had been in this nightmarish situation. She had managed to adjust her position slightly, ignoring the painful objections coming from the top half of her back as she managed to roll herself on to her other side, so that she was now facing the door.

After spending (what she assumed was) a few hours feeling sorry for herself something had _clicked_ in Emily's brain and her focus had moved from her own pain and fear to the sick freak who was doing this to her. She wasn't under any false pretences that she could get herself out of this situation, she knew her hopes of survival were solely in the hands of her team but it didn't mean she was just going to lie here and take whatever this man did to her.

She knew that he was a sadist, he enjoyed inflicting pain, _a lot._ He was also confident. He truly believed that he could take as long as he wanted with her and there was no risk of him being caught. Well, they hadn't managed to catch him yet, what was going to make this time any different? Just because it was her that had been taken it didn't change any of the information the team had. The only thing that had changed was that it was personal now.

Emily hated only being able to say 'him' or 'the unsub' or 'her captor' when she was thinking about the person holding her here. She needed to know his name, know _something_ that would make him seem more like a _person,_ more _real._ At the moment he held her life in his hands and she knew nothing about him, and she wasn't about to let this guy have complete control over her while she knew absolutely nothing about him. Hell, she didn't even know what he looked like yet, she hadn't seen him when he'd first ambushed her at the house and she didn't get a chance to look at him when he'd been in the room before.

She was waiting for him to come back. She wanted to know what he looked like and she wanted to know everything that she could about him. She had already prepared some questions, and if he didn't want to answer them she was sure as hell still going to ask. If this guy was going to kill her she was definitely going to piss him off in the process.

* * *

He didn't come straight away. Emily presumed that she was looking at the door for a good few hours before she heard footsteps approaching it. Her head hurt and her perceptions of things weren't that clear but she was pretty sure the man was walking downstairs to get to her. She pushed away the immediate panic she felt rushing through her veins, forcing herself to breathe evenly as she listened to the sound of the door being unlocked and watched the handle turn agonisingly slowly. As a figure stepped into the room she let her eyes move onto his feet, which were covered by expensive, strong looking black boots, most likely used in his work considering how worn they were. As her gaze travelled up his body Emily processed the fact that he was dressed casually, showing that he was comfortable with what he was doing and wasn't planning on rushing. She looked at his face last. He didn't look particularly strange or creepy, not that most unsubs did anyway but Emily had almost hoped that he _looked_ like a killer, even if it was only so that she could feel better in some weird way. He had light brown hair and blue eyes, and if he wasn't holding her captive and torturing her Emily would have said he was quite attractive. That was probably how he'd managed to fool the other victims, he used his looks and charm to disarm them and then struck when they were least expecting it. It took her a few moments to realise that she had seen him before, only in passing but she certainly recognised him. He was a police officer. _Shit._ That had just decreased her chances of survival even more. Emily knew that he was staring at her, so she directed her gaze straight into his eyes, hoping that he could see the silent challenge she was sending his way. _Do your worst._

"You've managed to turn over? Clever girl." The voice that left his mouth was sneering as he returned Emily's stare, letting her see the excitement in his eyes at the prospect of what he was about to do.

Emily only broke the eye contact when he took a step towards her, her eyes once again travelling over his body as she tried to find _anything_ that she could somehow manage to use against him. The only thing she picked up on was that he wasn't wearing a ring, so probably wasn't married, maybe she would be able to use that at some point.

Emily swallowed at the sight of a knife slowly being pulled from the man's pocket. He knew she was watching him and he was putting on a show. She stared at the knife for a few seconds, watching the way he ran his fingers over the blade like it was something _precious_ before she tore her eyes away and settled them on his face again, attempting to ignore the sinister smirk that was on it.

"What's your name?" Emily tried to make her voice strong, tried to sound like she wasn't scared of what was coming but she wasn't sure if it worked. She was sure, however, of the way the unsub's smirk faltered for a moment. He hadn't been expecting that. When she had opened her mouth he had probably been expecting her to beg or cry like his other victims would have but she wasn't going to give him that satisfaction.

"Why do you want to know?" His voice still had the sneering tone, but Emily could tell that he was also slightly unsure of her request.

"Well, if you're going to kill me it would be nice to at least know your name." Emily tried to speak nonchalantly, but her words had been picked carefully. She hoped that the unsub would take the words as an admission of defeat, like she had given up and was just going to lie there and accept her fate.

It worked, she watched the smile creep back on to his face as he spoke. "I'm James. I would ask your name but I already know it, don't I Emily?"

Emily registered the way he spat her name, like he could hardly bear to say it, it definitely meant something to him.

"Why am I here?" Was her next question. Her gaze was still focused on James' face, searching for any kind of reaction that she would be able to use against him.

"I think you know why you're here," James replied, that same smirk still plastered on his lips as he made a point to lift the knife higher and look at the way the dim light reflected off the shiny surface.

"No. Why am _I_ here? You could have taken anyone, but instead you picked me, the _FBI_ agent. I know you're not stupid but that wasn't a particularly smart move," Emily spoke, noting the dark flicker of his eyes when she questioned his intelligence, "I mean, you're a police officer. You _knew_ that we had nothing and that we were going to be leaving soon but instead of laying low for a little bit you decided you were going to hurt me? It just doesn't make sense."

"It makes every bit of sense!" Emily flinched as James suddenly shouted, his voice filling the room and leaving an eerie silence after it. She stayed silent as she watched him close the remaining space between them, still twiddling the knife in his fingers as he glared down at her. Her breath hitched painfully in her throat as he slowly crouched down next to her, reaching out his empty hand running it across the cuts on her back. "You are just like _her._ She ruined my fucking life then went away and it was all for nothing! I did _everything_ she wanted and got _nothing_ back and now I will _never_ be able to get my life back and someone needs to pay!"

"Why _me?_ Why these other women? Why do we have to pay and not _her?_ " Emily questioned, trying to keep the hiss of pain out of her voice as James pressed down on the cuts, sending spurts of pain shooting through her body.

"Because she's gone! She ran away somewhere and left me to live this life I hate and I won't do it anymore. I'm doing what's good for _me_ now, and what's good for me is hurting you."

* * *

"I've got him!" Garcia's voice broke the silence in the room, crackling through Hotch's phone which had been placed in the centre of the table on speaker whilst they waited for Garcia to work her magic. "His name is James Britton and he's a 34 year old police officer. After finishing high school he was all set to go to an art college but for some reason he dropped out and enrolled with the police force instead. He obviously has no criminal record and there has never been any recorded complaints about his work. Oh check this! He married his high school sweetheart Hannah Joseph when he was 23 but she left him last month and is now living with her friend in New York. It looks like a bad break up as well judging by some of the things said on social media and the fact that both of them have tried to erase all evidence of each other from their respective pages."

"That would certainly be the trigger," Hotch mused after Garcia had finished talking, "Can you send their files through?"

"They're already on your tablets." Garcia responded, giving the team time to open up the files and look at them for themselves.

"Look at Hannah, she's a brunette, she must be the trigger." Rossi commented.

"Yes," Reid agreed, "And her middle name is Emily."

JJ felt herself zoning out as she read James' file. This was the man that had Emily, that was _hurting_ her. She had seen him, working on the crime scene and around the building, oh god she had seen him _staring_ at them. She had assumed he was just fascinated by the FBI presence but evidently not. JJ was angry. Angry at him for hurting the woman she loved and angry at herself for letting it happen. If she hadn't been so selfish Emily could still be safe right now and she was going to do anything she needed to get the brunette back safe and whoever tried to stop her was going to have to hope they were protected.

"So," JJ's voice was the strongest, most determined that it had been since Emily had gone missing, "Where do we find him?"


	6. Chapter 6

**Hi guys! I am so sorry that this has taken me so long to update and I don't really have an excuse life just got in the way. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter.**

* * *

JJ stared out of the window, her blue eyes covered by a steely glaze as she watched the buildings rush past. After a bit more digging Garcia had discovered that James Britton owned two properties; the house he lived in and another one which it seemed like he and his wife were planning to renovate before she left. Hotch, Reid and Rossi were heading to the unsub's home while she and Derek were on their way to check out the other building.

Derek was driving, and even though she was looking out of the window JJ wasn't missing the strange looks he kept shooting her way and she was getting sick of them. However, she was too busy thinking about what she would find where they were going, about what state Emily would be in, to confront him right now.

For all she knew Emily wasn't even going to be there. She could be at the house the others were going to, or she could be somewhere completely different, and they were just wasting their time searching those properties while Emily was being hurt somewhere else. As the made up images of Emily's suffering swarmed JJ's brain her hand subconsciously lifted to rest on the gun that was safely holstered in her belt, her fingers tracing the metal outline softly through her shirt, she couldn't wait for the moment that she had it aimed at this sick freak's head.

She knew she needed to calm down, needed to make sure that she didn't do anything stupid that would risk her job or her life but all she could think about was _Emily_ in pain and she _couldn't_ let this go. This was why there were rules against fraternisation in the bureau, so that agents would always put the case first and would never be pushed to make risky decisions for selfish reasons but right now JJ couldn't care less what her superiors were going to say, she had been separated from Emily for way too long already and James Britton was going to pay.

It was almost like Derek had been reading her mind though, cause before the thought had time to leave her mind he said, "JJ, is everything okay? You've been a bit distracted since we identified the unsub."

"Of course I am, I'm just worried about Emily." JJ responded, the words leaving her mouth way too quickly for Derek to really believe them.

"We're all worried about Emily. Are you sure there's nothing else you want to talk about?" Derek pressed, keeping his eyes focused on the road in front of him as JJ turned her head to glare at him.

"I've already told you, there's nothing else!" JJ snapped.

"Okay, I believe you," Derek mediated, shooting a quick glance at the blonde next to him and noting the tense way she held herself, "Just promise me, if Emily is there and Britton is as well, promise me you're not going to do anything stupid, okay?"

"I promise." JJ mumbled. She almost felt bad about lying but it didn't matter, Derek wasn't going to believe her whatever she said right now, all that mattered was that he wasn't going to get in her way, and she was pretty sure he wouldn't.

* * *

Emily gasped, tears blurring her vision as she felt cold metal slice her lower back. She had always thought that she dealt quite well with pain but the repetitive cuts and lack of nourishment had left her on the verge of passing out. She was fighting it though, passing out felt like giving in and she wasn't about to do that yet. She had seen what the other victims bodies had ended up like, seen the patterns carved into their skin and she couldn't help but wonder what _hers_ looked like. Even if she did somehow get out of here she was going to be scarred _forever._

Emily couldn't stop the small scream that escaped from her mouth as another shot of searing pain raced through her back, her vision clouding black for a moment before the pain subsided slightly and she was able to blink it away. She didn't miss the way Britton shifted on top of her at the sound of her scream, the way his muscles tightened slightly in excitement at what he was doing to her. God he was _sick._ Emily felt her muscles tense up as he softly ran his fingers over the cuts he had made, and tried to ignore his incoherent mumbling about 'perfection' and 'beauty'.

Another painful cut on her back left Emily's head feeling fuzzy and she was struggling to focus on anything around her. She almost didn't hear the crash coming from upstairs but she certainly noticed the curse from the man on top of her. Within seconds the weight was lifted from her back and she was pulled up from the floor, two arms holding her still from behind with one hand clamped over her mouth and the other holding a knife to her throat.

The room was uncomfortably silent. All Emily could hear was her captor's breath in her ear. She could feel it too, warm and wet and disgusting on her ear. Her legs were shaking. If Britton wasn't holding her up she knew that she'd be a crumpled up mess on the floor.

Then another sound hit Emily's ears; footsteps, coming from above her. She knew that Britton could hear them too by the way his arms tightened around her body. She held her breath as she heard them slowly start to descend the stairs, swallowing uncomfortably as her captor's hold became tighter and the knife next to her neck seemed to get even closer to slitting it open.

The whole world seemed to freeze for a moment as the footsteps stopped outside the door, the long silence almost painful as she waited for somethi+ng to happen. It did. A sudden, loud crash signified the door being kicked down and Emily felt a rush of relief pulsing through her body at the sound of the voices she knew so well, "FBI, put your hands up!" She had known they were coming for her, that JJ was coming for her.

"Don't come any closer or I'll kill her!" Emily's relief was short lived at the sound of the yell from Britton and the feeling of the cold edge of the knife pressing against her neck. Emily swallowed. The sound of her heart pounding in her chest and the energy it was taking for her to try and stand as still as she possibly could were overwhelming her and she knew she wasn't going to be able to hold out much longer, the throbbing pain in her back making this even more obvious. She knew that some people in the room were speaking, possibly even yelling but she couldn't work out what was being said. All the sounds seemed blurred and indecipherable and _Jesus Christ_ all she wanted to do was close her eyes but she knew she couldn't, she wasn't sure if she was strong enough to open them again.

Emily took the deepest breath she could in an attempt to compose herself and give herself some form of stability but it didn't work, her vision was beginning to blur and the mess of noise seemed to be fading out to almost nothing. Emily had been trying her hardest not to look at JJ since the blonde had entered the room, she didn't know what she would give away or do and _God_ even when she was literally about to die she was still thinking about what she was showing others about the relationship she and JJ had. Emily couldn't stop herself anymore though, she let her eyes meet JJ's blue ones and the blonde seemed surprisingly clear compared to the fuzziness of everything else she could see right now.

It was almost funny that even in this situation, even with a knife pressed against her neck Emily felt safe as soon as she'd looked at JJ. It was like a moment of calm had washed over the room. The loud, clashing sounds seemed to dissipate, her heart didn't feel like it was about to rip its way out of her chest and the pain coursing through her veins even seemed to subside; they had entered the eye of the storm, or whatever other overused cliche there was to represent the strange sensation that Emily could feel.

Emily could see that JJ was a mixture of scared and angry. The blonde had never been the best at hiding her feelings and right now the fire burning behind her eyes as she pointed her gun at Britton's head was so obvious that Emily almost expected him to turn and run. That was one of Emily's favourite things about JJ, the passion she had for things that were important to her and the fact that she wasn't afraid to show it.

Emily tried to shoot JJ a smile, she might have even managed it but she wasn't really sure because just as quickly as the calm started it stopped and suddenly the noise and the beating of her heart and the pain were all back and worse than ever and once again her vision blurred and she couldn't focus on anything.

Emily didn't have much awareness of what was happening around her anymore, but she understood what was going on when she felt her legs buckle from beneath her followed by a sharp pain in her neck and the sound of a gunshot that seemed to echo and ring around her head as everything went black.

* * *

 **I'll try and have another update up as soon as possible, and of course reviews and constructive criticism are always welcome.**


	7. Chapter 7

**Here's the next chapter guys, I hope you enjoy it. Please review and constructive criticism is always welcome.**

* * *

Derek sat on the uncomfortable hospital chair with his head in his hands, trying to make sense of everything that had happened in the past hour. He was confused and stressed and sleep deprived but he knew there was something he was missing, something _big_ that seemed to be running away every time he got close to realising what it was.

He took a deep breath and stretched out his body, deciding to take his brain through everything he could remember and see if there was anything else that he could pick up on that would help him work out what was going on and _how_ any of this had even happened, cause it shouldn't have. Emily should have been safe with the team, not in the hands of some psychopath. Well, _ex-_ psychopath now.

When he and JJ had entered the house it had been alarmingly obvious that it was being lived in and someone had been there recently due to the fact that the radio was playing and the kettle was still warm. In fact as far as they knew Britton was still in the house, and that meant Emily probably was too. They had called for back-up but also mutually agreed that they weren't going to wait for it, not when Emily was at risk. Any slight doubts they may have had about Emily's whereabouts or their own safety were eliminated at the sound of a scream that had them racing down the steps towards the basement. Derek wasn't sure what he had been feeling at that point. On one hand they had known that Emily was at least _alive_ but on the other hand they had also known that she was definitely in pain, which had meant relief definitely wasn't the right word.

As he and JJ stood behind the door that they knew Emily was behind they had looked at each other and although no words were exchanged they had both known what the other was thinking - keep Emily safe whatever it takes. He couldn't kick the door down straight away, he'd had to take a moment to prepare himself for what he was going to see on the other side cause he knew whatever it was it wasn't going to be pretty. He knew that JJ had been doing the same - she had been so _off_ since Emily had been missing and he knew it was just due to how much she cared but it was still _weird._

Kicking the door open had been easy and quick and within seconds Derek had been standing in a dingy cold room with his gun pointed at Britton who was holding an obviously weak Emily in his arms with a bloody knife next to her neck. A quick glance around the room had confirmed a lot of what the BAU had assumed. Derek knew he probably wouldn't forget the fresh blood stains on the floor any time soon. He definitely wouldn't be forgetting the sight of Emily either. He had seen her bleeding out before but this was _different_ somehow. If he was profiling himself he'd say it was different because he knew that she'd been suffering for days and he had known exactly what was being done to her whilst she was missing but the irrational part of his brain was creeping in with the fact that it was _his_ fault. Whatever anyone said it was him that Emily as with when she was taken, he was the one who'd failed to look after her and therefore caused all of _this._

He and JJ couldn't see Emily's back from the angle that they'd been standing at but they had been able to see the red stains on her shirt and the way it hung off her body - clearly showing that it had been cut open at the back. Britton has been completely unstable, yelling threats and edging the knife he was holding closer and closer to Emily's neck. Derek had tried every trick in the book to get him to surrender but it hadn't worked and he knew that time was running out. He had been able to see the way that Emily's legs were shaking and it was obvious that she wasn't going to stay standing for much longer, she probably hadn't eaten since she'd been taken and Derek was still trying to avoid thinking about exactly how much pain she'd been through. The brunette had been pretty much out of it for the whole time he and JJ had been in the room. She had been completely unresponsive to everything that had been going on around her but Derek hadn't missed the way her eyes seemed to focus on JJ for a moment and her facial expression change to something that seemed almost close to calm, like she knew what was going on. That had been in the moments before her legs collapsed beneath her, the jolt of her movement causing Britton to slice the knife along the side of her neck. Before Derek had even had a chance to process what was happening JJ had taken a shot, landing it straight in between the bastard's eyes.

Derek felt the sick feeling returning to his stomach as he recreated the scene in his head. Emily was lying on the floor - eyes closed, blood dripping from the gash in her neck on to the stone floor. Britton lay a few metres away from her, blood gushing from the hole in his head and the knife laying next to his still hand. Derek had stood still as JJ had raced to Emily's side, checking or the brunette's pulse before beginning to move her into the recovery position and applying pressure to her neck. Derek had sprung back into action then, calling for medics before joining JJ by Emily's side.

She had been alive, the small rise and fall of her chest was enough to tell him that but he hadn't had a chance to feel relieved as he noticed Emily's back. It was covered in cuts which created some kind of intricate image of Britton's creation. Some of the cuts were deeper than others, some were starting to heal whilst others were still bleeding, having obviously been done just before they had found her. They were going to be there _forever_. In that moment an overwhelming wave of guilt had washed over him and it hadn't really left since. She was permanently scarred and it was down to him. He had forced himself to look away, and instead turned his gaze to JJ. The blonde was quietly crying, tears rolling down her face as her eyes fixed on Emily's back as she had held the unconscious woman's hand in her own. Derek knew she would have been having the exact same thoughts as he was but it didn't change anything. He _was_ to blame.

"She's going to be okay." Derek had said.

JJ had stayed silent.

They had stayed silent for a few minutes until the medics came racing in and Emily was bundled away into an ambulance with JJ by her side and Derek had followed in his car, letting the team know to meet him at the hospital.

And now he was here. Sitting in some waiting room. Waiting. And something still wasn't adding up. He didn't have any more time to think about it though as the rest of the team came rushing in.

"What's happening?" Hotch questioned, his dark eyes filled with concern.

"She's being examined by the doctor now. JJ went for a walk to clear her head while it's happening. She should be back soon." Derek stated.

"Okay, now tell me everything that happened."

* * *

JJ sat on a bench right outside the hospital, taking deep breaths in an attempt to pull herself together before having to face everyone. After shooting Britton she had let herself fall apart slightly. Seeing Emily lying there with all the cuts and the blood had hurt _so_ much that she didn't know what also she could do except cry. It wasn't like it was the first time she had seen someone she _loved_ in that kind of position (and god thinking about that made her feel so sick) but she still hadn't got any better at dealing with it and compartmentalising her emotions. If anything she'd gotten worse. Maybe it was because no one else knew exactly _how_ much Emily meant to her, and were therefore expecting her to be stronger and more focused but she just _couldn't._

Even now, when she knew that Emily was alive and safe in the best place possible JJ couldn't push away the pangs of anxiety attacking her stomach and she knew they wouldn't go away until Emily was definitely going to be okay.

The blonde glanced down at her hands, swallowing the lump that formed in her throat as she remembered what they had looked like ten minutes ago - covered in her lover's blood and shaking as she was forced to let go of Emily as they wheeled her off towards some room.

The cut on her neck hadn't been fatal, even with her lack of medical knowledge JJ could see that it hadn't cut any veins or arteries but Emily had lost so much blood already that JJ didn't know if she could have coped with losing anymore. The paramedics in the ambulance had been throwing around words and numbers that JJ didn't understand and they seemed so busy that she hadn't wanted to interrupt them. All she had done was sit silently next to Emily, holding her hand and praying to anyone that would listen for the brunette to be okay.

This whole situation was a mess. Two days ago she had everything figured out. She had her family and Emily and yes she _knew_ it made her a bad person but she was content and happy and now - now her head was a mess and she had no idea what she was going to do. Emily meant _everything_ to her (after her children of course) but Will was still her husband and he had done absolutely nothing wrong. She just didn't love him anymore, not as much as she loved Emily anyway.

JJ was distracted from her thoughts as her phone buzzed, signalling that she had a message which turned out to be from Derek. **'The nurse just told us that the examination is finished and the doctor will be out to talk to us in a few minutes.'**

* * *

Derek paced along the corridor, searching for room 23. The news about Emily had been relatively good. A few of the cuts including the one on her neck had required stitches and she was severely dehydrated but other than that she had escaped without any _major_ physical problems. It was the psychological effects that Derek was more concerned about. Emily had always been so strong and independent and good at compartmentalising her issues but being covered in a permanent reminder of them was not going to be good for her at all. She was going to need a lot of help to recover from this but Emily wasn't always the best at accepting it and if she tried to deal with this on her own the consequences would not be good. Hotch and the others were already concocting a plan to make sure she got everything she needed over the upcoming weeks or months or however long it took for her to get better.

The doctor had said that Emily would be sedated for about 24 hours to allow her body to begin to heal, after which they would wake her up and do some more tests to make sure that they hadn't missed anything. They wouldn't know how long Emily would need to stay in hospital after she woke up either. Knowing the brunette she was going to try and leave as soon as she could and they were all going to have their work cut out trying to keep her there until she was fully recovered.

The doctor had also said that there was only one person allowed in the room with Emily whilst she was sedated and JJ had gone first. However she had been gone for about an hour now and Derek had decided to go and check that everything was alright with the blonde. She hadn't coped with Emily's absence well, probably because of the argument that they'd had the night before and Derek just wanted to make sure that she was okay now.

The muscular man stopped outside room 23 and glanced through the window. Emily was lying on the bed in a hospital gown with her eyes closed. Her chest was moving rhythmically upwards and downwards and she almost seemed peaceful. If it wasn't for all the wires connecting her body to the machines next to the bed Derek could have almost convinced himself that she was just sleeping, not recovering. He let a small smile on to his face at the sight of JJ sitting in the chair next to the bed. She had one arm on the bed with her head resting in the crook of it and she was fast asleep. It was a good thing that she was getting some rest, none of them had slept much over the past 48 hours and they all needed to regain their strength.

Derek was about to enter the room and wake JJ up when he noticed that her other hand was intertwined with Emily's, their fingers interlocked as they slept.

That was when he finally realised what hadn't been adding up.

He now knew exactly what he'd been missing.

"Oh shit." He murmured quietly.

JJ was in love with Emily.


End file.
